


It was so easy for you (Letting me go)

by NovaDevil



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaDevil/pseuds/NovaDevil
Summary: "I waited for him to come back of that stupid saying 'if you love something let it go and if it's meant to be it'll always find its way back'.."In which Steve moved on, Bucky is left to pick up the pieces and Sam is just trying to be a good friend
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	It was so easy for you (Letting me go)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 4 am with too much caffeine in my system  
> Sorry in advance

Sam was getting frustrated, to put it simply.

His friends are fucking idiots

Which is why right now he's been standing in front of, what used to be, their apartment, ringing the bell and knocking for the past ten minutes while simultaneously calling Bucky to get him to open the door for him before the neighbors call the police. Not that he's getting any answer.

"Goddamit James!"

Just as he's about to give up and leave, Sam hears shuffling on the other side of the door and whispers a quick ' _thank god_ ' that his friend is at least alive in there.

That thought doesn't last long when Bucky actually does open the door.

"Hey, Sam"

The guy might as well been dead with the way he looks; disheveled, beard growing on his usually-clean face, dark circles swallowing up his eyes and that's not even touching on how much weight he's lost.

Sam takes it all in for a moment of disbelief before launching forward, all the frustration and annoyance from seconds ago already evaporated.

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier," hesitant hands start to wrap around him in return, "I thought"-

He doesn't even know what he thought, he never saw Bucky like this, not even when-

"It's okay, I'm okay"

"No, you're definitely not"

"Fine, I'm not! Can we go inside now? I'm getting cold"

They let go and Bucky closes the door while Sam lets himself in and to the kitchen to place the emotional support donuts he got for him, noting how messy everything looks but choosing not to comment on it for now, knowing his friend's mind is messier. They have more important things to talk about.

Bucky joins him and makes them tea each (Sam's with milk, no sugar. Bucky's the opposite.)

They wordlessly work around the kitchen, Sam managing to wash a few dishes until the tea is ready.

He waits until they're comfortable in the living room and Bucky's taken at least a few bites of his donuts to start talking.

"You found out," and it's not a question.

"I did"

Sam waits for him to continue but nothing comes, Bucky just keeps his eyes down and sips his tea as distraction. He curses under his breath. 

"What are you gonna do, Bucky? You can't keep living like this.." gesturing vaguely with his hand to the state of the place, "you're stronger than this, pal"

Bucky lifts his head to look around his own home as if he's really noticing it for the first time, his eyes getting sadder with every new place they land on. And Sam thinks he's not sad about the state of things as much as he's sad about the way they used to be, about how his life used to be in this place.

Because Sam remembers too.

The endless game nights and parties and friendly dinners or when they just kicked around doing nothing. He remembers the snarky jokes he threw at them and Nat joining in to say how they're so sweet together it's disgusting while Tony just told them to-

Tony…

"I'm not stronger than shit," the laugh he lets out is bitter and humorless,

"I'm not strong, Sam. Look at this- look at _me_ , I'm all fucked up over him, I can't even say I hate him because I don't.. I can never hate him, even after"- he cuts himself off and closes his eyes, not baring to say the words out loud.

Sam puts his now-empty mug on the table in front of him to wrap an arm around Bucky's shoulder carefully to give him room to pull away if he needs but he gladly relaxes into it instead, letting himself be comforted. He deserves at least that.

"I waited," his confession is barely a whisper that Sam can't make out what he said even with how close they are.

"What?"

"I waited for Steve, Sam," Bucky makes himself more clear this time, "I waited for him to come back because of that stupid saying _if you love something let it go and if it's meant to be it'll always find its way back_." He takes a breath and swallows the lump rising in his throat, "but he didn't find his way back to me, no, he found his way to Tony and forgot all about me. I let him go and he didn't love me enough to want to come back.. maybe he didn't love me at all." And now the tears are falling against his will, might as well let them.

Sam just holds him closer and rubs Bucky's back and his hair, letting him cry into his shoulder because he doesn't know what else to do or what to say without sounding cheesy.

What _could_ he say even if he tried?

Tony is -or rather **was** \- their friend too, they all were. He was there when Steve broke up with Bucky, hell, the guy took Bucky and a few of their friends out to cheer him up.

No one would've thought the same person would be seen holding Steve's hand and the latter looking at him with all the adoration in the world at a birthday party two months later. 

Sam was there, summoning all the universe's self restraint not to punch them both square in the face. Bucky was not.

Bucky saw it all go down in people's Instagram stories and the birthday girl's video, which was both better and worse.

It's a good thing he didn't see it in person of course, but that also meant those videos played non stop on his phone, first because he couldn't believe what he was seeing was true and then just to torture himself at how stupid he could've been not to see it coming before, how he truly thought they'd get back together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After he'd calmed down a bit and could talk without gasping, Sam convinced Bucky to shower and shave while he tidied around the apartment for him. Bucky insisting he'd do it himself and Sam just shooing him into the bathroom and telling him to "boy, shut up"

It's not until his cleaning operation reaches the bedroom that Sam notices the blankets and pillows on the ground and how the bed looks like it's hasn't been used in a while.

He's trying to connect the dots when Bucky gets out, clean-shaven and even trimmed his hair a bit; he looks slightly more like himself.

"Buck.. have you been sleeping on the floor?" All he gets is a shrug in return.

"Buddy.. why? What's wrong?"

He's expecting another shrug with the way Bucky is staring at the bed silently but then,

"I need a new mattress," Bucky keeps looking down at the bed, all over it, "this one's too big, there's too much room. I don't need this much room. I never- I never needed this much room." And he thinks this is the worst thought to ever cross his mind. When did his life get so pathetic?

Sam immediately gets what's happening, he tries saving his friend before spiralling into a crying session again.

"Alright then." Bucky's head snaps to him

"What!"

"I said alright, we'll get you a new one. Let's just order something to eat first then we're going Mattress Shopping" he theatrically loud-whispers the last part and it gets him the desired effect when he sees the first genuine smile on Bucky's face in so long.

Sam goes out to call their favorite Italian place and Bucky finally gets himself to move from his position in front of the bed. He tidies the last few things that Sam didn't get to due to their little conversation just to feel like he did something.

Bucky doesn't know how he'll move on from the double hit he just received or _if_ he'll move on at all. He does know that as long as he's got someone like Sam in his life, it won't be so bad.

"Food's gonna be here in 20, got you that weird pasta you love so much." 

Sam yells to him from the living room and Bucky find himself smiling for the second time that day.

Yeah, maybe he'll be okay after all.


End file.
